I never tell anyone this. I cried when Leonard Cohen died. I moved here to drink his tap water. I took a job at the ticket window in a porn theater downtown. It was only ever men who came in, on Sundays while their wives were in church. They always treated me kindly. One told me, “I think my wife’s starting to catch on, she bought me binoculars for my birthday.” I wish I could let you treat me to a drink tonight but it’s my birthday and my friends are buying me sushi. One time I had a meal served by blind waiters in a restaurant with no lights, blacker than black. I thought my sense of taste & smell were strong. I couldn’t tell the difference between broccoli & cauliflower. You see the thing is, I was a child actor, and now I’m living for myself. You’ve met me at a weird time in my life. Yes! Wow how did you guess? I just turned 29, and quit my job. I’m still living with my ex but he wants to buy a house-boat and I want to plant roots. My dream space is in the woods with the perfect campfire and I can play every instrument there, I know every song there. So tell me, when you walk into a bathroom with six urinals and see one man pissing at the end, where do you stand? And are you circumcised? 

   I’ve never slept with a jew before. I want to but then I think what would my aunt think? She told me I should go meet this sweet guy at her church who would like my progressive politics & nose piercing. And my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend, I’d feel guilty? Do you read tarot? I need to get my life together. No more nights on the floor at my place. Your dinners & breakfasts are nice, but just nice. It’s really the bare minimum. You still haven’t told me how much money you make a month. And I’m still married, you & I are just lovers. And your exes, what does that mean for me? I need a real man. I’m a bitch, I’m crazy, and only a real man can handle me, like the Italian guy. He knew when to ignore me. You think I treated you roughly, I’ve insulted my husband in front of his family, made him leave the table in disgust. You said you need to think about it? I want you to think about it right now, long & hard. Are you still mad at me?

   What are you doing tonight? I think we have to stop doing this. I want my birthday present, when are we going to Memphis? I like getting older. I’m ovulating soon, so the better the date the more wild my love will be. I like my moods, the cycles, the changes. Honestly that is a romantic alleyway, I think I’ll film it. Good, you should be buying the drinks. You’re charming, you have the perfect answers. You smell so good, did you go to kissing school? Should we sleep together? When’s the last time you got tested? I’m not on birth control and if you get me pregnant I’m keeping it. I’m too old for that shit. I don’t know why I bothered to get a degree in business. All I do is sweep hair and get yelled at. They’re jealous because I’m beautiful. No you are! You’re making me blush. If I don’t have my period tomorrow, you’re fucked!